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MLP The Fallen Moon Chapter 1 page 1 by Crystal-Secret MLP The Fallen Moon Chapter 1 page 1 by Crystal-Secret
Hey there, This is a comic book idea I have about the show My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. I'm doing this because I'm a fan of the series and want to give back to the community with something that I can do best, go as deep as possible with the lore that is Nightmare Moon.


After Princess Celestia and her younger sister, Princess Luna, gained prosperity over the new continent Equesrtia, they established a order to rule the land in fair honesty and Respect to everypony kind. Princess Celestia would raise the sun, while younger her younger sister would raise the moon. Together the two sisters bound a pack to keep to there duties and create harmony and balance for there subjects and those they cared for, those that lived on the land they helped fix to live and laugh upon. They kept order and Balance Keeping the Sun up during the day, and the Moon at night. But not all was well, as they say as time grew, so did the younger sister's wants and needs of hating constantly being shut out. Since at night everypony sleeps and simply can not play, and so this is where are story starts. Princess Luna decides to take a flight stroll in the Equestrian skys, going about her night, as we would go about our day. These are the days before everything the two sisters knew and didn't know would change there lives forever. From the moment they placed there hooves on the soil they stand upon, there fate were sealed. Not even the Elements of Harmony, a power Celestia discovered to help her and her sister aid in battle to bring down the evil of the land, the symbolizing strength she kept close to her heart to guide herself, her sister and the world she cared for, all of this and still...nopony could see this coming.

and so our story beings.

Chapter 1: The Moon Princess

page 1:[link]
page 5: [link]
page 6: [link]

I DO NOT IN ANY way work with Hasbro, I HAVE NOTHING to do with Hasbro, or create anything for Hasbro or anything to do with working on My Little Pony Freindship is Magic for Hasbro, it's characters or logos belong to Hasbo. I have full rights to fair creations. I have no intentions on making any profit off of anything to do with Hasbro or My Little Pony. I WILL NOT make any profit off of "The Fallen Moon" A orginal story describing what I THINK happened before Luna Became Nightmare moon and the events that lead up too it. Now get lost Copyright.

My Little Pony friendship is magic :iconfyre-flye:
Studio B (DHX) and Hasbro. All rights reserved to them.

Illustration and drawing, storyboard design and script by AJ Morga.
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Because there's not enough of story in this page (understandably so being page 1) I'm only going to review the art with the exception of one thing. In terms of being nit-picky, I think you should have put "princess" instead of "pony" in the opening text box mainly to separate Luna from the other ponies in Equestria and if put there, it wouldn't have been lame or cliché because she really is a princess.

Anyway, onto the art. The art throughout the panels is consistent in terms of the clouds looking similar in each one, which I like and the main picture looks astounding, as I mentioned in my last critique. My only problem with this is how the face and wings looks in the final panel. Luna's face seems a little odd to me in that last panel and I think it's because her smile looks too small and her head seems scrunched up because of how big and round her eyes and nose are. In the middle panel, her eyes are wider than in the last panel where they are shaped kind of like ovals making her face seem a bit awkward to me. In terms of the wings, I noticed that her left wing in the last panel looks different than her right wing does and I can't think of a reason why that is. But all in all, I still like the style and look forward to seeing the pages as they are posted.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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dragonofbrainstorms Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Student General Artist
yuriko17 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013  Student General Artist
i love how you colored this
caballero-nocturno Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
very beautiful QwQ
cajobif Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013

She is wonderful the way you've drawn her.
KangTheSpartan Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
(I'm very pissed about the season finale not cool)

I've seen many people be upset about the upcoming season finale, and I do mean MANY people. If I may ask (and hopefully avoid a heated rage war in the comments), can you tell me exactly why you don't like it? I'm on the "I think it's okay" side of the line, but I still want to know why there's so much hate for this idea.

...Oh yeah, and Luna looks so happy in this drawing. Well done!
Silverweed91 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
The drawings are astonishing! Bravo! *3*
:icontheamorywarssoldier9: walemart supposed to be Wal-Mart or something? Cuz nothing else comes to mind when I read that.
ale20dm Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
iamli3 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
i suggest you stop working there.....
That opening line rings in my head like a song, and now I can't get the song out of my head, despite the fact that it's composed of one, short sentence.
Plasmius94 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
thing is beautiful but a few things (it said you wanted critique)

the outer rim of her tail isn't the same color as it is in the rest of the comic and the wings look different in the third frame then in the second (personally i like the second frame's wings are better). also the right wing looks different from the left one in the last frame.

P.S i love that smile she has. it just screams "im up to no good and you can't stop me"
MazzoDra Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
Princess Luna is at her cutest when she is happy.
ArrJaySketch Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ohmygosh! This is really really cute! I'm loving what I'm seeing so far. :)
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Submitted on
January 29, 2013
Image Size
1.2 MB


292 (who?)